skip to main |
skip to sidebar
wife ........ Tum bahar jaatey ho to hamesha darr laga rehta hai
Husband.. Oh don't worry jaan jaldi aa jaoonga
Wife ........ Tumhari issi baat ka to darr laga rehta hai ....
Doctor ..... Yaar main soch raha hoon issi gaaon main apna
clinic khol loon ..
Dost ......... khayal to naik hai yaar magar yahan ka qabaristaan
zara chhota hai ....
kanjoos ..... arrey yaar aaj main ney ek aadmi ki jaan bachai
dost ..... woh kaisey ???
kanjoos ...... main ney ek fakir sey poochha, "agar hazaar ka
note doon to kyaa kareyga", woh bola "khushi sey
mar jaoonga ", main ney bola " jaa nahi deta ", is
tarah main ney uski jaan bachai.
Patient ...... doctor sb. aapki nurse bohat achi hai, uskey haath
lagatey hi main theek ho gaya
doctor ....... haan haan pata hai, thappar ki awaaz yahan tak
aayi thi ...
Ek sharabi apni aankhain donate kerney gaya...
counter clerk .. kuch kehna chahtey ho naik bandey...
sharabi ........... haan ! jisey lagao usey bata dena, yeh do peg
key baad khulti ha.
Patient .........Doctor Sb. main kyaa karoon keh jis sey meri umar
barh jaye ..
Doctor ......... Tum shaadi ker dalo ...
Patient ...... Kia is sey umar barh jayegee ???
Doctor ....... Nahi, shok khatam hojaye ga ...
Wife ..........Woh !! Dekho larka mujhey smile dey raha hai
Husband ... Smile nahi dey raha hai, jab main ney tumhain pehli
baar deka thaa to meri bhi hansi nikal gayi thi..
Bus stop per larki ko dekh ker larka bola , "Tu meri jaan hai tu mera emaan hai ", larki ney juti utari to larka bola, "main bhi insaan hoon tu bhi insaan hai ...
wife .......... (Ghussey main) Tumharey damagh main to sirf gobhar hi bhara hai
Husband ... (Pyar sey) To phir itni dair sey kha kyon rahi ho
Girl ............ Suno ! are you sure you luv me n no one else
Boy ........... Dead sure ! i checked the whole list again
yesterday ..
Girl ............ To merey saarey luv letters wapas ker do
Boy ............ Is main sey jo tumharey hain nikaal lo ...
Chaltey chaltey meri pasand key chaar linez ...
Sharma key yun na dekh ada key muqaam sey
Ab baat barh chuki hai haya key muqaam sey
Tasweer khech li hai terey shauq-e-husun ki
Meri nazar ney aaj khata key muqaam sey
Girl-to-Boy - Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl - Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.
************ ********* ********* *********
Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha - Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo...
Pati - Namaste Sasur Ji
************ ********* ********* *********
Santa ne Banta se kaha,"Sabse bada challenge kya hai?"
Banta replied - Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.
************************ ********* ******
Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala - I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Daughter : Mummy khana kaise banaya jata hai.
Mummy : Pinky, meine kitni baar tumse kaha hai ki apne papa ke kaam
ki baat mujhse mat pucha karo!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Boss ki wife achana office pahuch gayi. Usne secretary ko boss ke god
me baithe dekh liya. Boss bina ghabraye bola, "Kaan kholkar sun lo. Budget ki
chahe kitni hi kami ho, mein ek chair se kaam nahi chala sakta.
Dusri chair kharidne ka order aaj hi de do"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
A sardar had a baby after 3 months of marriage. He suspected
and asked to his wife, "Ye 3 month me hi baccha kaise hua?"
Wife Replied : Tumhari shaadi ko kitne din hue?
Sardar : Three months
Wife : Aur meri shaadi ko?
Sardar : 3 months.
Wife : Aur bacha kitne month ke baad?
Sardar : 3 months.
Wife : Total kitne months hue?
Sardar : Oye 9 months & start dancing Balle Balle!!!!
************ ********* ********* *********
Sardar ne makhi ke legs tod kar kaha, Ja udd ja..
Lekin Makkhi nahi udi, Sardar ne kaha..
"Aab to saabit ho gaya ki agar makkhi ke legs tod di jaye
to makkhi sun nahi sakti!!!"
************ ********* ********* *********
Ek din Santa jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhar raha tha.
Sardar hasne laga
Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.
Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Sardar ke radio me kuch problem ho gayi to aur kharab ho gaya
Usne radio khol kar dekha to ek mara hua chuha mila
Ye dekh kar sardar gussa ho gaya aur bola : Ye chalega kaise?
Sala singer hi mara pada hai
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
********************* ******
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist named John complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them."Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked John...
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
John asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and fuck the shit out of my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, have sex, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
John interrupted, "I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied John.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting, " answered John, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, have sex, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"
************ ********* ********
News Break:
News reported today that the Taliban are using sheep
in Afganistan to detect mines.
They send them into a field and if they're blown up,
they have dinner.
If they make it through alive, they have a date.
Works perfectly.
And here are some trivia in a humourous vein
The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, or the distance a baby
can crawl when you turn your back.
Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.
"I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a
lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'" --Rodney Dangerfield
A preacher phoned the city's newspaper. "Thank you very much," said he,
"for the error you made when you announced my sermon topic for last
Sunday. The topic I sent you was 'What Jesus Saw in A Publican.' You
printed it as 'What Jesus Saw in a Republican' I had the biggest crowd of
the year!"
Did you hear the one about the young woman with the hourglass figure?
Unfortunately, time marches on.
Rodney Dangerfield - in memory
My daughter failed her driver's test. She couldn't get used to the
front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking.
Now I drink in front of a mirror.
My family never bought a pumpkin - they made me stand in the window."
My friends and I play a new version of Russian roulette, we pass around
six girls and one of them has V.D.
My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school,
He won't tell me where it is."
We all learn something New everyday ...
When tears flow in your eyes...
When things go wrong,
When sadness fills your heart,
When tears flow in your eyes,
Just let me know,
Because, I want to be there for you,
BECAUSE!!!!
My uncle is Selling Tissue Paper
Buy 1, Get 1 Free...
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
When Fred found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father would die, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy all the money he would get.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, ' The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!'
The crowd was shocked. He followed up by saying, 'That woman was my mother!'
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, 'The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!'
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out '...and I can't remember who she was!'
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush thesecurity guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...
#######################################################
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and LasVegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR" At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
#######################################################
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears frontpage of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !! "Laloo, third from left!"
#######################################################
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inefficient, " hestated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! 'I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS .
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing. ' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the- headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open! 'His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us...and they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!!! !!
Ek Larki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga
Doosri Larki Ko Dekha To Vaisa Laga
Jab Dono Ne Joote Maarey...To Ek Jaisa Laga!!!
********************
Zamane ke dar se
teri tasweer toilet mein chupa rakhi hai!
dedar ho tera bar bar
isliye julab ki goli kha rakhi hai
********************
Woh Larki Kitni Pyaari Thi,
Jis Ko Aankh Maari Thi
Woh Sendal Kitni Bhaari Thi,
Jo Us Ney Sar Per Maari Thi
********************
1 barsat ki raat
-ek bhigi ladki,
-bhiga badan,
-bhigi zulfe,
-bhige hoth,
-Hum dono ki nazare mili,
-use dekhke aisa laga ki
.
.
.
Kal use 100 % sardi hogi!
********************
Pyar karnevale
PARESAN ho jate he
Shadi karnevale
SHARABI ho jate he,
Divorce denevale
DEVDAS ho jate he,
Ham se Dosti karnevale
MSG SE MEHARBAN ho jate he
********************
Ek yug the jab log apne
ghar ke dwar par
likhte the "Atithi Devo Bhav".
Phir likhne lage "Shubh Labh"
Phir "U R WELCOME"
Aur ab likthe hain
"Kutton Se Saawdhaan"!
********************
Khat likh raha hoon khoon se,
syahi mat samajhna.
Khat likh raha hoon khoon se
syahi mat samajhna.
Kisi mariz ka sample liya tha,
mera mat samajhna.
********************
D 1 who smokes,get a smoky heart.
D 1 who drinks,get an alcoholic heart.
So dear u must stop eating sweets,
as u r already a sweet heart.
********************
wo shayad ab bhi hame chahte hain,
tabhi to hame dekhkar yun muskurate hain.
Ye to uske bacchhe hi kameene hain,
jo hame MAMA-MAMA bulate hain!
********************
Shehar ki gali
mein paan ki dukaan.
Devdas ne dekhi
paro ki muskaan.
Devdas ne khilaya
Paro ko paan.
Khake paan Paro boli
"Shukriya Bhai Jaan".
********************
I just met some1 in Cafe Coffee Day.
Real good looking,
dead smart,So delightful.
More like a celebrity.
As I walked nearer,
DAMN SAINT GOBAIN mirror.
It was me!!
********************
Maine tujhe dekha,
Dekhta raha,
Dekhta Raha
Dekhta hi gaya ,
Phir mujhe chashma lag gaya
********************
Q.Why doesnt a donkey eat grass??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
A.Anyways...its ur personal matter
& I should not interfere in it.
********************
Friendship is like FEVICOL - toote nahin
Love is like cold drink -Ye Dil Maange More
Girlfriend is like detergent - Pehle istemal
karo phir vishwaas karo.
********************
D professor of a business school asks,
"What is d most important source of
finance for starting business?"
A student replies,"Father-in-law"
********************
Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.
Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo-
Aata hai Usha ke saath,
Rehta hai Kiran ke saath,
Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mad dog is chasing a Santa. The Santa laughs while running. Know why?
He says mera mobile to Airtel hai phir bhi Hutch ka network follow kar
raha hai.
------------------------------------------------
A for apple. B for bada apple. C for chota apple. D for dusra apple. E
for ek aur apple. F for fokat ka apple. G for gol apple. H for ho gaya na pet kharab khake itne apple.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The positive thinking poem.
Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye.
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't fly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?
Santa Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa went to party and introduced his family to his friends. I am
Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.
**********************************************************************
Santa 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.
Salesman Santa Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.
Santa: Oye i have windows installed.
*********************************************************************
Nurse: Santa Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Santa: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Safed Sari Par Tum Lal Bindi Lagati Ho,
Khuda Kasam Ambulance Nazar Aati Ho,
Vo Ghayal Ko Lekar Jati Hai,
Tum Ghayal Kar Jati Ho!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Santa open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
------------ --------- --------- ----
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You
know
why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
------------ --------- --------- ----
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying
furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa wanted to make a STD.. call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein "Delivery Free" hai.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab
Santa : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
------------ --------- --------- ----
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Santa: Any great man born in this
village?
Santa: no sir, only small Babies!!!
------------ --------- --------- ----
Teacher: A for?
Santa: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Santa: Jay mata di.
------------ --------- --------- ----
American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Santa says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Santa: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
------------ --------- --------- ----
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
When a person asked what he was doing?
He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.
------------ --------- --------- ----
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
------------ --------- --------- ----
A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
he is my kid,
& she is my kidney.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Santa: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Banta: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him..
CD in drive
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen!
Tech support: OK, I see Aaaa!
White Comp
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Icon on Left
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Printer Problem
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Password
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
AntiVirus Program
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Screen Saver
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Weird Computer Problems and Tech Support
Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one : Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye,
ek ne desh ke liye,
doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai
Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai? (my favourite)
Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere laakhoon
rupaye fase huye hain.
Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.
What did they named them?
They named them as 'Jo-Hua', 'So-Hua'
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.
Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.
Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.
Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Bunta : I give up.
Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music
Jasmeet : "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband Santa."
Judge : "But why ?"
Jasmeet : "Because he is not faithful to me."
Judge : "How do you know ?"
Jasmeet : "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
From his death bed, Santa called his wife Jasmeet and said, "One month after I die
I want you to marry Banta."
Jasmeet : "Bunta ! But he is your enemy !"
Santa : "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
Bunta : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife Preeto
that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found
Preeto in another man's arms.
Santa : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't
get the fax."
Santa : "When we were first married, I would come home from the office,
Jasmeet would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run
around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings
the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
Bunta : "Why complain?, You're still getting the same service!"
Preeto : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at
me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever
said anything bad about him?"
Jasmeet drew Santa's attention to the couple next door and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
Santa : "I would love to, "But I don't know her well enough...
may be you could introduce us..!
Santa : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children
and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Bunta : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Santa : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and
none of them dares to answer back.
Jasmeet : My husband always comes home late, no matter how I try.
Preeto : "Take my advice, and do what I did.
Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning,
and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jaspal?"
And that cured him.
Jasmeet : "Cured him !... But how?"
Preeto : "You know, his name is Banta."
Santa : "You looked troubled, what's your problem?"
Bunta : "I'm going to be a father."
Santa : "But that's wonderful,"
Bunta : "What's wonderful? My wife Preeto doesn't know about it yet.
Jasmeet : If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Santa : That you are a lesbian.
Bunta : "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
Santa : "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
Santa to Jasmeet on their wedding night- "
Santa : "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ?"
Jasmeet : "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
It was mealtime on Punjab Airline .
Air Hostess : "Would you like dinner?"
Bunta : "What are my choices?"
Air Hostess : "Yes or no,"
Jasmeet : You always carry my photo in your wallet to the office. Why?
Santa : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Jasmeet : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Santa : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
Santa : "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
Jasmeet : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Jasmeet : "What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?"
Santa : looking at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of Humor.
Santa went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
Guess why ?
because there it was written "Number Dial Karne Se Pehele Do Lagae"
Santa was driving with girlfriend Preeto to Chandigarh.
He puts his hand on her lap.
She smiles and says, "You can go further dear..".
So, Santa drives to SHIMLA.
Aap ke haath mein Mobile hai,
Chehray pe khoob Smile hai,
Msgs ki achi khasi File hai,
Phir bhi sms nahi karte ho,
Ye kon as STYle hai
Roshni deker doob jana koi suraj se seekhey..
Dil deker dard Lena ki Ada koi humse seekhey..
Kuch na deker Dil Lena koi unse seekhey..
SMS leker REPLY na kerna koi Appse seekhey
Kya leke aye they,
Kya lekar jaoge,
Mujhe SMS na karke,
Zalim kitne Paise Bachaoge!
*Meri taraf say apko 1 "PAPPI "
Apki saheli ko 1 "PAPPI"
Saheli ki saheli ko 1 "PAPPI"
Batau Q?
Aaj hi mere "DOGGY" NE 10 " PAPPI" ko janam dia hai!
Meri yaad aye: yaad karo.
Zyada aye : sms Karo.
Ussey zyada aye : phone karo
Ussey bhi zyada aye to millo
Ager ussey bhi zyada aaye to ..
Plz jhoot bolna band karo
Kya ker rahay ho?
Bussy ho?
Kitna bussy ho?
Ager kum ho to message kyun nahi karte ho?
Ager ziyada ho to message kyun pad rahy ho ?
Sms,sms,sms, sms,sms,sms, sms,sms,sms, sms,sms,sms, sms,sms,sms, sms,
Kya aap ko kisi nay aaj tak itnay sms bheje hain?
Days are 2 Busy, Hours are 2Fast, Seconds are 2 Few But there's always Time for Me 2 disturb You
Jam kadwa hai magar itna nahi ki pia na jaye,
Zindagi main dard hai magar itna nahi ki jia na jaye,
Sms karny per paise lagty hain
Magar itney nahi ki kia na jaye ;)
